I've been told these are very old indeed (dating at least back to the '40s), but they were new to me!



A famous prostitute died and all her belongings were being sold at auction... including her beloved parrot.

The auctioneer said "Bidding starts at $100 for this gorgeous parrot, sold as is... one hundred, one hundred, one hundred, do I hear one-fifty? One-fifty, one-fifty, one-fifty, do I hear two hundred?"

The parrot piped up, "Baby, don't be cheap. Three hundred and you can do me up the ass."

***

Another parrot wound up in a bird rescue. A woman came in looking to adopt, and was told, "The police brought him in after they shut down a brothel and nobody claimed him. He's tame and friendly but his language is a little, um, colorful..." She said, "Oh, I don't mind at all. Poor bird, he doesn't know what he's saying. We'll give him a good home."

She brought him home and set him up in a new cage. He climbed into his perch, preened, looked around and said, "Hahaha, new house, new madam! Hi, madam!"

Her two teenage daughters came home from school. The parrot said, "Hahaha, new house, new madam, new whores! Hi, ladies!"

Then her husband came home. The parrot said, "Hahaha, new house, new madam, new whores, same old Larry! Hi, Larry!"